Mother-in-law insists that family wear the exact same matching outfits every day on vacation so she can capture the perfect "spontaneous" family photo, daughter-in-law- refuses to participate: 'We decided we would spend our vacation somewhere else'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 4, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Everyone these days seems to be obsessed with capturing the perfect candid picture. Gone are the days of "3, 2, 1, say cheese!" and peace signs. Our Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest feeds are full of fashionable ladies posing — yet not posing — nonchalantly as they go about their daily lives and young moms seemingly caught unawares sharing an intimate moment full of laughs with their children. However, most of these photos are posed in some way. There are all sorts of tricks you can learn with a quick Google search on how to make it seem like you had no idea the camera was even there. Even most paparazzi shots these days are paid for by the celebs themselves to make them appear as effortlessly cool as possible.
You know what's not effortlessly cool? A whole family wearing the exact same outfits for an entire week for a neverending family photoshoot. This is exactly what our protagonist's mother-in-law was demanding the family do in order to capture the perfect "spontaneous" photo during their vacation. 

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    Aita for not wanting to go on a family vacation after my MIL wanted all the kids to wear the same thing?

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    Let me start by explaining: my husband Adam (35M) is not the biological father of my children Monika (9F) and Daniel (12M). My
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    first husband, their biological father, Sebastian (40M), left us for another woman, after Monika was born. Adam family gets together every year for a vacation.
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    My MIL, Donna (59F), is a photographer. Over the years, she's focused primarily on weddings, but this year she decided she wanted to
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    do a private session for the whole family during the holidays. Nothing wrong with that, right?
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    But she bought clothes for all children. They're all the same. Girls have bright pink dresses, and they're expected to have braids and the
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    same hair accessories or even handbags. Boys are expected to wear bright blue pants, white T-shirts, and blue jackets.
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    How long should they wear it? For a whole week, every day, because "the session is supposed to be
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    spontaneous." and my MIL "doesn't want to limit herself to one day when there are so many attractions ahead of us.".
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    What's the problem besides that? My daughter hates dresses, while my son tried his outfit and decided it was uncomfortable and that he didn't want to wear it for that long.
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    I tried talking to my MIL about it and even suggested that maybe my kids wouldn't be in the photos/would only be in some of them. She really didn't
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    like that. Four conversations later, Donna decided that if my kids didn't show up in those outfits, they might as well not go on vacation.
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    Well, okay. I talked to my children again and we decided that we would spend our vacation somewhere else.
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  • It would still be a weird thing to ask for the family to wear the same thing every day if it were their own clothes, but the fact that MIL is picking out the outfits makes it even stranger.

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    Later, I spoke with my husband's sister, Sara (29). Initially, the topic was different, but at one point she asked about something vacation-
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    related: if we'd go somewhere together once we were in Italy. I told her unfortunately no, we can't, because I wasn't going.
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    m......w
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    She was very surprised, but it wasn't a big deal at the time. The thing is, the next day, when I woke up, I had a ton of messages from some of Adam's family members and his mother.
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    Mostly from his mother. All the messages were angry, there were a lot of threats and guilty trap attempts.
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    Adam has been on my side up until now and wanted to stay with me and the kids, but after all this he suddenly changed sides and now he's p at me. He said I was an a hole and ed
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    that it was "unfair that I'm ruining a family event because my kids can't be uncomfortable for a while", and started complaining that other kids in the family somehow don't have a problem with it, etc., etc.
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    We had a big fight about it and now he's staying at his parents' house.
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  • How on Earth are the rest of the family seemingly okay with this crazy plot? Our protagonist needs to take this as a massive red flag. Girl, don't engage!

  • 24
    joelmezoe57 Your MIL took family photo to a whole new level of controlling. Expecting kids to wear the same outfits all week just for random pics? That's not fun,
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    that's exhausting. And your husband switching sides after pressure from his mom is super disappointing. You stood up for your kids' comfort and that matters. NTA at all.
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    use_your_smarts I can just imagine her choreographing every moment to try and get a good photo. Argh. Exhausting.
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    Cardabella Staging outfits for a week is beyond staging photos for a mom's and there's nothing spontaneous about that. To do so unilaterally with
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    consulting on style and practicality is unhinged. I would refuse to engage with the drama and be grateful the narcissism revealed itself before you were committed.
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    The_PinkBull NTA - Speaking as a photographer, yuck. I hate it when everyone is wearing the same thing - it takes the personality out of it.
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family drama married with children wife parenting husband couples Photo divorce mother in law family raising kids entitled people vacation
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